Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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