hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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