It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
