So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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