That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
