I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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