chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How does one acquire holy water?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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