some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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