I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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