nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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