when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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