the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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