I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
