I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
