those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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