we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
