i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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