you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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