i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
