I hate all girls vehemently.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
