what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
