Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
