i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This house was built for laser tag.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
