I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
