My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
