Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize