I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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