i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
