I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
