gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
