i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
