we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
