just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
