youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
