AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
