Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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