Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
