Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
