Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Someone came in the potted fern
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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