i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
