the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize