found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
