K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
