You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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