I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
