I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
what day is it and did you see me today?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
