remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
