I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This toilet bowl is my home.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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