im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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