i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
