I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
