I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
