I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
