I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
