I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
