I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
