We named our party play list daddy issues
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I still have a little drunk in my system
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize