so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
