when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
