Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
