I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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