Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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