dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
