Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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