i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
