Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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