I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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