His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize