I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize