apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
