ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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