Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
