in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
