John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You are a genius and a whore.
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