I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
