Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize