my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my being single is dangerous.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
