The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You're like the curious george of whores
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize