im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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