Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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