3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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