I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
