OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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