i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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