That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
