There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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