im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
