I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
