4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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