the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
