He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
