Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
