The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
