Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
