dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
