I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
