Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize