A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
