chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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