Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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