party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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