I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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